Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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