After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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