he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
