Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
