I don't remember. Are we still dating?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
