Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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