ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
