I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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