I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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