She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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