they need to just BURY HIM!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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