I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
