I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
