Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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