she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
