I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I die, sorry about rent.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
