shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have aggressive nipples.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
