Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
