seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
