can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
