before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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