OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
