You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
