Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
