I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
