I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
