Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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