she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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