2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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