Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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