i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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