she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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