The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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