All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
