That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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