A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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