I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sober January is a disaster.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
