I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
