I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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