I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
