Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
