I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
