Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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