I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
