you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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