when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
