Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
