On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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