he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
