There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
