Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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