i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
