Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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