life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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