She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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