i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
