I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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