Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Randomize
