I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
