I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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