If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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