He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
